Do you have a Calm exterior, but it’s total Chaos inside?

Many people in Houston are living a productive, busy, and successful life on the surface but internally are flooded with anxiety. You might get everything done on your to-do list but feel overwhelmed, rushed, and anxious. Maybe your day is managed well, but when you try to fall asleep at night, your mind is still running through your to-do list. Or if you don’t get everything done, you are feeling ashamed and “not good enough.” If you measure your worth by how much you get done, you might be living with high-functioning anxiety.

Signs you have high functioning anxiety

  • You feel guilty for resting

  • You measure your worth by how much you get done

  • You have trouble falling asleep

  • Your mind won’t stop racing even when your body is exhausted

  • You feel responsible for keeping it all together

  • You feel like you’ve never done enough

  • You say yes even though you want to say no

  • Your body is holding a lot of tension or feels restless or panicky

How high-functioning anxiety shows up in relationships

People-pleasing can also be a sign you have high-functioning anxiety. This can look like automatically monitoring others’ reactions and adjusting how you interact with them to try to prevent them from being upset or disappointed with you. Another way that high functioning anxiety shows up in relationships is with difficulty setting boundaries. You might find yourself saying yes to things you actually don’t want to do. This can be a way that you are coping with your anxiety of disappointing others or fear of people being mad at you. On the outside, it looks like you're such a “go-getter” with your boss. Or maybe you’re the friend that is “always down,” but internally you might be abandoning your need to slow down and not do it all.

  • Fear of being “too much”

  • Overfunctioning for others

  • Overanalyzing past conversations or text messages

  • Abandoning your needs to avoid rejection from others

  • Difficulty saying no

  • Automatically thinking silence or distance means they are mad at you

Sometimes high functioning anxiety is a problem in your current relationships because of attachment trauma you experienced in past relationships. Check out my page on relational and attachment trauma to learn more.

Where does high functioning Anxiety come from?

Anxiety is caused by a variety of things. High functioning anxiety isn’t an official diagnosis, but it is something I see in many clients. Anxiety can come from biological factors such as a family history of mental illness, and physical health can impact your ability to cope with stress.

Some people developed high-functioning anxiety from early life experiences such as being raised in a highly stressful home, having overly strict parents, or trauma related to lack of control. Most clients I see with high functioning anxiety developed this as a survival strategy. It might have helped them get their needs met when others weren’t showing up for them. The way they learned to control or manage everything themself was a helpful tool when they needed it, but now it is causing more stress and anxiety than it is being helpful.

For example: In childhood, your parents might have been so busy at work that they often dropped the ball on things like remembering to send you to school in PJs on pajama day, forgetting to pack a swimsuit for your field trip, or picking you up late from your after-school activity. You might have hated the feeling of being unprepared so much that you developed a part of yourself that needs to plan and control everything yourself. This was a survival strategy that prevented you from that awful feeling of being unprepared. But now, as an adult, you might micromanage your school or work assignments to the point it is excessive and not necessary. Or maybe you try to plan or control what your partner does, and it is causing frustration and tension in your relationship.

I’ve also seen people develop high-functioning anxiety because it was praised by others or led to academic or occupational success. These people learned that their anxiety is needed to get the results they want. Therapy can help you explore this belief and work towards finding other motivators than the pressure of not being “good enough.”

Other common reasons you developed high-functioning anxiety

  • Perfectionism as a way to feel safe or good enough

  • Achievement became a way you felt worthy

  • You had experiences where acceptance felt conditional

  • You were in systems where mistakes weren’t tolerated

  • You felt like you had to be the one who had it all together or was the “easy” one

  • You felt your achievements were what kept you from being rejected by others

  • You were in environments that praised overworking

How therapy can help young adults with high functioning anxiety

  • Find self-worth outside of being productive

  • Improve ability to set boundaries and say no

  • Stop the constant mental spiraling

  • Calm the tension in your body

  • Reduce emotional reactivity

  • Feel more confident in your decisions

  • Loosen the grip of perfectionism

  • Experience more ease and self-compassion in your life

get support for high-functioning anxiety in Houston, Texas

Contact me today for anxiety therapy

Whether you are living in Houston, Austin, Dallas, or anywhere in Texas, online therapy for anxiety can make a huge difference in your life. If you are ready to stop overthinking and overfunctioning, it might be time to start therapy. I specialize in helping millennials and Gen Z understand and manage their anxiety. I love helping people learn how to function from a place of fulfillment and passion, not from a place of trying to avoid feeling anxious or not good enough.

When you’re ready to start therapy or chat with me to see if I am a good fit, you can schedule here.

I look forward to meeting you.